See How Sheila Ramsey Overcome Her Addiction

Reading Time: 3 minutes

I have to struggle with abandonment issues. I learned mistrust when I should have learned trust.

I struggled with child abuse. I still suffer because of it. Doing much better after counseling.

I had not been in a relationship for over twenty-five years. I have serious mistrust issues.

My hardest struggle was losing custody of my son. He was sixteen. I still haven’t forgiven myself for the pain I caused him. It makes me cry just sharing this.

The death of my father was horrible. I had PTSD. I thought I would never get over it. He was the only person that I knew believed in me.

We were very close. He was sick a lot and I was his caregiver. My mother also helped. I went to his grave one night. I stayed there in the rain and talked to him.

I could not find any peace within myself. I went for counseling. I was put on Xanax. Then I became disabled with arthritis. The same crippling disease my dad experienced.

Lost my career as a nurse due to my disability. My life was spiraling out of control.

I did not want to live. I overdosed twice. Held a gun to my head, pulled the trigger and it grazed my head. The gun kicked back or I would have died. I could not hear for a couple of weeks in that ear.

I was then put on opiates for pain. I had the perfect situation to become an addict. My emotional pain was worse than my physical pain.

I became addicted to Xanax first. I missed my son so badly. I went and detoxed thinking he would come home.

When he didn’t come home. I went back even harder and more. I eventually went to a methadone clinic. I stayed there for thirteen and a half years.

My son did visit me after he went to college. I was so messed up on drugs that we would argue about my methadone.

I would hurt his feelings and he would leave. I would cry for days. I had my anxiety sedated but my pain never stopped.

“There weren’t enough drugs to sedate that pain.”

I got clean two and a half years ago. It was a long complicated medical detox. I had numerous complications. I wanted to die. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I had extensive inpatient and outpatient rehab. I went to N.A. meetings.

It was constant daily work. I was feeling so much emotion. I was misdiagnosed bipolar. Had numerous behavioral health admissions.

I became violent and hit a nurse and security guard. I was court-ordered to go to a behavioral health hospital. The police took me from the hospital in handcuffs to the psych unit.

Being labeled violent they eventually wanted to admit me to a state hospital. My sister would not allow it. The judge released me to her care.

I would have spent the rest of my life. In a mental hospital for a disease, I did not have.

I was angry, happy, sad, and confused. I felt my feelings and everyone else’s too. I was not afraid to die, I was afraid to live.

It was miserable. I had a drug craving extremely bad. It was worse than not being able to breathe.

I would just sit and cry. I would say, “take me to water.” That was the only way I could get some relief.

I still crave but I am on Wellbutrin. I don’t know if I could have made it. The medication helped tremendously.

I struggled my way back to try working. My anxiety was so bad. I could not keep a job. I kept doing my best. It took two years. I did transition back to a full-time nursing career.

I have finally found my way back to my son. Crying again. We have a wonderful relationship. He is estranged from his dad.

He said I didn’t want to live with my dad. I knew you were taking a lot of pills. Sleeping a lot. He did not understand.

He was angry with me. He had every right to be angry. I hurt him and I hate myself for failing him as a mother.

Being a mother was the BEST experience in life. I never knew a mother’s love until I became a mother.

Healthy attracts healthy, and unhealthy attracts unhealthy. I thank God every day that I am healthy.

I am now engaged to be married in a couple of months.

I have looked at life from many sides now. It has made me stronger and more determined. I don’t want to sleep. Don’t want to miss a sunrise or a sunset.

I want to reach my arms out. As far as they will go. Embrace life and hold on.

God is my refuge and my strength. He has restored me and I am “Un; Broken.”

I have written an autobiography and doing the rewrite. My book is also a teaching guide for parents. A guide to getting clean in a very broken system.

My life has gone full circle. Looking forward to each day.

“Once all struggle is grasped, miracles are possible….”

 

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5 Comments
  1. A very inspirational life story…!!!

  2. It is really useful for those who are unable to control themselves. Very inspirational and motivational life story.. !!!

  3. Sheila that’s hard to read your struggles but good to hear you are clean and better now !! Go ahead and achieve you dreams !!

  4. Aww..!! You faced too many hurdles in your life…!! And your final recovery was really appreciatable…
    Let gob blesses you😊

  5. These article is very inspiring, If any person is addicted to the substance and reads this article for sure they will Realize their mistakes and recover from it.

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