Jane and I are at my house with a couple of friends. We are all discussing what drugs we are going to buy to take with us to an outdoor party we are going to. We have all packed our things ready to go, we just have to get the goods first – the drugs.
We have our shopping list and everyone’s money so Jane and I hope in my car and off we go.
I act all brave and big shot but really this is not something I do often. If I do go to a dealer I usually just buy some weed or cocaine, and then just for myself.
Plus, I don’t go into the skanky gangster area we are heading into.
The few drinks I have managed to gulp down before getting in the car don’t quite squash that little feeling of fear that keeps coming up. Each time I feel it I make a joke and act all hard-core like going to a gangster drug den is something I do every morning without batting an eyelid.
When we get there, Jane goes in and I drive the car around the block and then park a little way away from the house she went into. I can see a scout on the roof of the building and there are a few scary-looking men outside.
She is in there for a while and I keep scanning the area looking for cops. It feels like forever while I am parked outside looking like a sore thumb. Very out of place and noticeable.
There is no being discreet parked outside a drug dealer’s house. Everyone in the neighborhood knows what I am doing. They are all looking at me.
All I can do is chain smoke, stare at the clock, and check the area.
Eventually, she comes out and I fight the urge to wheel spin out of there.
My nerves are shot and I don’t even care about the drugs anymore, I just want to be home clear.
“There is no shame in beginning again, for you get a chance to build bigger and better than before.”
Just as we are about to get into a decent area a cop car pulls up behind us. I tell Jane and we decide to act normal and keep driving. I say to her that they are sure to pull us over.
Jane is probably also going to need to change her pants, just like me, but she is all bravado and tells me not to worry. Oh my God – she is eating all the drugs we have bought. Kudos to her you know, because I was starting to seriously panic.
She calmly and slowly proceeds to swallow everything.
The police siren goes off and she appears so calm and collected when she tells me not to pull over quite yet, slow down but don’t stop. She still has some more to get down.
I look in my rearview mirror as I start braking and the cop looks scary as hell as he catches my eye and points to the side of the road.
I tell Jane I have to pull over and she grins at me.
I can’t believe it! We are going to be just fine.
Maybe I can just say we took a wrong turn and asked for directions right? My friend has just eaten all the evidence.
The cops tell us to get out of the car and start searching the car while I try my best to look innocent.
I’m going for the little lamb lost among the wolf’s look.
The thing is that I am so highly strung at this stage. Those few drinks have worn off a long time ago and I start wondering if I should have brought some booze with me in case of an emergency like this.
The cops aren’t searching the car properly.
They open the doors and push some of the papers around in the cubby hole but I can see they aren’t checking properly.
Something in me snaps, a coping mechanism goes all squiffy.
I start taunting the cops, sure of the fact all the drugs have been chomped by my crazy friend.
I accuse them of all sorts. I am not even in control of myself. I ask them what they are doing because they are sure as hell aren’t searching.
Out the corner of my eye, I see my friend’s eyes pop open in fright and for a moment while I am shouting at these cops. accusing them of ulterior motives, I wonder why she suddenly looks so scared.
By the time my mind catches up to my mouth, it is too late. One of the cops is standing there in front of me with a bank bag. In it are a tik lolly (speed pipe) and some drugs.
My mouth goes like a goldfish while my bowels threaten to embarrass me.
I’ve done it now. I am in some serious trouble. I wonder whether I will have to sleep in jail tonight.
Geez, my parents are going to have heart failure if I call them to come and bail me out.
I’ve been in trouble before, but this one takes the cake.
The cops tell Jane to get in the cop van and one cop gets in my car with me and tells me to follow the police car.
It takes a while for me to notice we are not going anywhere near the police station. In fact, we are going in the opposite direction.
I ask the cop which station we are going to and he doesn’t answer me.
I look around us and we are in a deserted area.
Panic starts to creep in and a shiver runs down my spine.
I think how amusing it is that 5 seconds ago I was shitting myself with what my parents would say and now I am praying for that.
I’m in so deep now and I don’t even know how I got here.
The police car in front pulls over. There are no cars around, no houses and no people.
The cop tells me to pull up behind them so I do. The cop starts talking to me but I am so frightened I can’t take in what he is saying. I look at my hands and they are shaking.
I wonder what is happening in the other car. Something the cop says enters my consciousness. He has brought me here and he expects a blowjob from me.
And what then? Let us go?
I remember reading about how if you are in a situation of danger like this you must be calm and do whatever the person says.
So I turn to look at him, I open my mouth and I tell him that if he sticks his cock in my mouth I will bite it off. I will chew his fucking legs off…
Once again it is like I am looking down on other people. It is like watching a movie.
I can hear the filth and threats coming out of my mouth and I think he is going to pull out his gun and shoot me but I can’t stop.
The shouting from outside gets my attention and I see Jane outside the police car screaming like a crazy woman trying to get in.
What the hell is going on?
I listen to what she is shouting. She is threatening to kill the bastard. It appears he has thrown her out the car and locked the doors so she is kicking the car and punching the window.
The situation is so alarming that I resort to a common coping mechanism of mine.
I laugh and not like a nice pretty lady laugh. I am talking about a damn scary, crazy, hysterical laugh. I laugh loud and I start snorting like a monster pig to try and catch my breath.
The more I laugh the worse it gets.
I see the cop next to me fly from the car with a look of absolute shock and terror.
My stomach muscles are hurting and tears are streaming down my face from the exertion.
I manage to look up and see the police car taking flight down the road.
I bet they weren’t expecting us two. Maybe that little lamb look worked too well and they thought we were going to easily do whatever they wanted? Jane gets in and tells me the wankers stole our drugs.
Strange thoughts went through my mind. Do we go to the police station and lay a charge of attempted sexual assault and theft of our drugs?
“I’m afraid of what I’m doing to myself. But I can’t seem to stop.”
Ok so that is a bit of a catch 22 right?
Jane tells me she is starting to feel funny and I remember she has just swallowed enough drugs to kill a baby elephant.
Damn this day is not going according to plan is it?
I am tempted to tell her since she took all the drugs she will have to pay us all off our share… less the tik the cops stole of course.
I get us back to my house as quickly as can be. First things first. Down a strong drink.
I fetch a bucket and I stick my fingers down Jane’s throat until she vomits up some stuff.
This is not for the faint-hearted. Vomit and gross things make me squeamish and I have already had a traumatic day.
All the other girls are wanting to know what happened. We tell them and their jaws drop down in shock.
But now back to important things. We need to get to this party and time is ticking on, we should have been on our way already.
What a mess?
We quickly make up another shopping list since Jane ate the first one, good thinking actually… but very inconvenient since it takes 6 drunk girls a long time to agree on things.
And as we make our way back to the ATM to draw more money, and then to a different drug den in a completely different area I can’t quite shake the feeling that something is not quite right in my life.
Luckily this time I bring some booze with me to drown out all unwelcome thoughts.
Do you want to share your story & inspire others in their journey to recovery? Write to firstname.lastname@example.org
You can leave the rehab any time, no one will compel you to stay at the rehab. However, dedication and continued treatment are required to fight addiction and achieve a sober life.
There are various stages of addictions. The initial stage is the functioning individual with the addiction. The most common scenario is they have a job and their relationships are intact, but their health is depleting slowly because of their dependence.
Narcotic analgesics (painkillers) are drugs that can reduce pain, cause numbness and/ or induce a state of unconsciousness. They have the tendency to cause tolerance and addiction
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