Early Stage Of My RecoveryIn my recovery, I’d say I’m in the earliest of early stages. I’m starting to face the fact that someday it has to stop. I’m starting to face the challenges I’ll be facing when that first day comes. I’m looking at a pretty big problem in just the first five minutes. That first day when I wake up and decide, “I’m done. Now what?” I’ve already faced this once, but it was a no choice kind of program. It’s something I decided to do for my girlfriend of 6 years and her 7 year old daughter.
Why I Was Mandated To Give Test 3 Times Per Week?I was given 1 year of drug court which meant beginning in 2 weeks I would report and give a pee test and from that day forward would be expected to have zero new levels of controlled substances. I was mandated to urinalysis’ 3 times per week.In addition to that, I would be required to attend 2 days per week of intense group therapy and not less than 5 self-help meetings per week. This required a meeting every day, and a piss test every other day. One dirty test meant 7 days jail time sanction. 2nd dirty got you 14 days. A third dirty test and you’re sent to serve your year (in my case) sentence.
I Finally Got A Year CleanI do know this. When I finally did get a year clean, I wasn’t who I am now. I hated my work, my career, my occupation. I had no interest in anything but beer and a recliner and the remote to the television. I was mean and grouchy and liable to go off at a whim. I didn’t like me, and nobody else did. I would sooner die than pick up a pencil to draw, and went weeks without even going into my garage. I went to work, then I went to sleep. That was after one year without. I don’t know what to say about this, but, I’m willing to openly hear any suggestions. Please don’t say it was the beer. I didn’t get drunk. I just drank beer because it would be gone soon enough to piss clean. It was the only enjoyment I had for about an hour before I needed to lay in the chair and doze.
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