How do I write my stories during active addiction without mentioning the other people involved?
I can’t tell someone else’s story and I don’t want to ruin the reputation of people that have been in my life.
But I need to share my story and I need to tell you what happened.
This has been holding me back for a long time and I now have found a solution.
It Is Silly Really.
Remember when you first learned to read? Every story was Bob and Jane or something like that.
Every female in my stories will be called Jane and every man Bob.
If there is more than one lady in my story it will be Jane #1 and Jane #2.
For some reason, this appeals to my silly side and it also covers my ass and those people that were involved.
Now, something else that is really important to remember while you are reading my story and this is going to be hard to explain to you if you are not an addict.
While in active addiction I had to lie through my teeth constantly to try and get myself out of the shit I caused.
Over Time Everything Became Distorted
“Addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside”
Memories are fuzzy with booze and drugs. Then the next day I had to lie to people or tell half-truths.
Then I would have to tell different versions of those events to another person.
These stories get retold and with time they become a truth to the addict.
There are some things that happened in my life and it is like looking at 5 alternate realities and I am honestly not sure which one is the truth or even if any of those are.
So I am telling my story as best I can according to the truth I know. If anything is misrepresented in my story it is not intentional, it is just the way that my brain has muddled it all up, everything I tell you here in this story is my truth.
I am taking you into my world where there is no chronological order to things because I cannot for the life of me remember what happened when.
I have flashbacks to things and I don’t remember when it happened or very often who I was with either.
Which is why calling everyone Bob and Jane appeal to me too, I won’t have to think too hard.
Welcome To My World
So welcome to my world… It is a world of chaos, confusion, helplessness, guilt, destruction, pain, fear, and sadness.
But there is also a lot of fun and humor mingled in with this.
Do you know some people have said they don’t want to live a boring life? They want to live life to the fullest and skid into death screeching “Fuck What A Ride!”.
I Believe I Have Achieved This.
So while I have truly been through some horrifying things there is still a lot of good and the best thing for me is that I am alive to share my journey with you.
If you are an addict reading my story know that whatever ugly and awful thing you have done, I have probably done it too.
I understand. I know. I have been there.
You Are Not Alone
If you are not an addict I hope to take you into my world and give you some understanding of where it is that we go and how it is that we think when we are in active addiction.
So welcome to my world, my reality.